How Female Friendships Shape Who We Become

The women around us don’t just walk beside us – they shape us.

Every version of me has been influenced by another woman.
The friend who told me to stop apologizing so much.
The one who saw something in me before I did.
The ones who stayed through every rebrand of my personality.

I have always been the flaky friend — the one that never really shows any emotion and, worst of all, the one who never really understood the importance of those friendships. And it wasn’t because I didn’t care about my friends - I cared deeply - but I was too scared to be vulnerable, too scared to be judged (by my own friends???), and too scared that if they saw the real me, they’d leave.

So I kept running - from my friends, from myself, and from the real human connection that could have made me a better, happier, more grounded person, and would have helped my friends do the same.

After losing friendships, losing purpose, running with no destination, and living a life that could barely even be called an existence, I stopped. I looked around and saw that even now, while being the definition of a “shitty friend,” they still loved me, cared about me, and wanted me to succeed - in whatever I decided to do.

So it couldn’t get any worse if I took off all my fifty masks and showed them the real me.
So I did.

Instead of crying myself to sleep or being frustrated alone, or putting all my overthinking and talking on my partner, I started turning to my friends instead. Not fully - don’t get me wrong - but at my own pace, while also trying to make sure they feel loved and appreciated too. Still learning.

They welcomed me with open arms, even though I didn’t feel like I deserved it.

And you already know where I’m going with this, but it did, in fact, shape me into the person I am today. It’s not just because now I have a place where I feel safe and heard, but also because they inspire me with their kindness, love, achievements, advice — and most importantly, they hold me accountable.

If I say I’ll do something or plan on doing something, I have to follow through. There’s no way around it. The fear of letting them down is bigger than letting myself down. Do something stupid? They’ll let me know. 

Every day they push me — to be better, to do better, to show up. 

And it’s fun. So much fun. Laughing with your best friends until your tummy hurts must be one of the most precious things we can experience. Even better when you call them crying and end up laughing - that’s the real proof of how powerful these connections are.

So what I’m actually trying to say is - call your friends. Go out. Dance. Scream with them in an open field. Sing in the car. Brainstorm business ideas. Cry on the floor. And for the ones who are just like me - stop being scared.

One good friend once told me that this is what friends are for — to live and experience this crazy adventure we call life together. 

It really is like they show in the best movies about female friendships -  we can live the best life if we’re lucky enough to meet them.

Because what’s a life full of success if there’s no one to drink the wine with when you get to the top?

P.S. To my dearest friends - thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support. You are the real treasures of life, my biggest achievement.

With love,
Alija xx